Reacting To My Article "Love Vs Respect : Why Love Is Not The Most Important Message"

In 2016 I wrote my article Love Vs Respect, which you can see here

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/love-vs-respect

At the time, I was in emotionally abusive friendships and I was sick of seeing the abundance of t shirts in stores that had hearts and "LOVE" plastered all over them. In the 2016 political climate, I understand why mainstream fashion decided to take that route as they wanted to encourage togetherness, but I felt this simple message was far too vague and even harmful. In my personal life, I was encountering a lack of emotional intelligence in my friend groups, in my college, and even with the adults in my life.

Part of this was due to the political climate of the time, of course, but I felt this was not the underlying issue. Especially because people were fighting within their own groups. Fighting with people they agreed with politically. I was a Politics major in college and seeing the lack of humanness in public, I realized "politics" wasn't what divided people. Our actions towards one another and how we treat the individuals in our life is what determines whether we are connected or divided.

If we see people as "political" instead of as people, we don't truly connect with the people in our lives. The political is meant to be a conversation around the personal, not the other way around. Our personal relationships and our community make us "the people." Therefore, the polis, which is the root of the word politics.

As I mention in "Love Vs Respect," we can't mistreat people in our immediate circles simply because we are comfortable around them. "You know I love you" is not an excuse to ignore your loved ones needs and boundaries. Each individual has a different way they would like to be treated and it is an ongoing conversation that never stops. As you walk with someone, they will change over time and so should you. That is what growth is about. It is important to see where people are at that day, at that point in their life.

When I was in my emotionally abusive friendships, I would get calls at 3am where one of my friends would threaten to kill themselves and then hang up. But he still called himself my best friend. It seemed like he took pride in the power he had in that situation. As if he felt more powerful by making me worry about him. I understand that he wanted to have someone care about him in that moment, but he wouldn't articulate why he wanted to kill himself or why he was feeling so dark. He just wanted to hurt someone because he was hurting. I later told him he was becoming increasingly emotionally abusive and I couldn't be friends with him anymore.

When my mom asked me to constantly push down my emotions and never show any signs of sadness or anger, I didn't realize that was mistreatment as well. She wasn't willing to see me or help me. She wasn't willing to walk with me. Even though she said she loved me. She wasn't willing to see me as an individual. I was a doll in a sense. Something to show other people when they came around, but no emotion or depth. Something to decorate the house and keep on the shelf.

Both my ex best friend and my mom believe in human rights. They believe in equality. But maybe these are instances of "people can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves." Maybe the issue isn't a lack of love. It's a lack of inner work and inner strength. Maybe it's a result of the society we live in that encourages profit over people. Maybe it's the stress of needing to provide for ourselves and our families because housing, food, and water are not guaranteed in this country. Maybe it's the lack of time we have to truly do spiritual work that includes getting to know yourself and your community better. Or maybe it's the fact that we are so disconnected from nature living in cities that we have disconnected ourselves from our own bodies and our own nature.