You Can Grow Through Soft Spaces

There’s this episode of I think it’s Impact Theory where Tom Bileyeu talks about how it’s important to forget your achievements and just move on to the next thing and I think there is something to be said for that mindset. Hard work is a good thing and being uncomfortable does help you grow, but as someone who has been through a lot of unsafe and uncomfortable spaces, I have been a million different people and I have had to change myself or take on other's influence in order to "fit" into that space. I am open to changing again (life always changes), but I want to feel safe. I've done a lot of growing through uncomfortable spaces. Now it's time for me to grow through softness and expand on that part of myself.

I know myself well enough now to know what a safe space actually feels like. I know what I am willing to tolerate and not tolerate. I’ve grown a lot through my discomforts and through my life experiences, but I’ve also grown through creating comfort for myself. I’ve grown through receiving love and soft spaces and being allowed to express myself. My boyfriend accepts all the craziness that comes with me and that acceptance in itself has helped me grow as a person. I feel like I can grow here with out trying to twist myself away from the sun. I can grow up to the sun here.

I love to look back at my old writings and my old songs when I feel a certain way because it’s like my past self is giving my present self a hug. In this way I influence myself. With all this media and content people put out it can make it difficult to just exist in your own space sometimes. Looking at my past work allows me to just exist in my own space. Creating new work allows me to exist in my own space too, and it’s good work, but it’s still work. When I rest in myself sometimes it feels good to know that this came out of a part of me. I created this space for myself. And I love the part of myself that made that. It helps me relax when I feel self doubt or shame or anxiety. To remind myself that this is mine. I created this room for myself. And I love inviting people into my room.

I think everyone needs that. There’s a lot of self love in creating these spaces for ourselves. I’ve made a lot of work I’m not proud of, but I don't need to "hang those pieces on my wall" if you know what I mean. I feel like I can exist peacefully in this space I created for myself. It’s like decorating your room. I feel safe here.